I have Blogged the past few weeks about Loss, often referred to as Grief. I consider Grief to be a particular emotional state set within the context of Loss. I will write more about Grief in my next Blog.
As I have mentioned I lost my wife, Linda, last November to ALS and my daughter, Katie, at the age of seven months to a birth accident in 1992. I have recently posted about Loss and Sadness, small “d” depression or anhedonia, and will be discusssing Grief and Anger in future posts. But one of the things Loss, especially of a person so significant in one’s life, does is cause reflection on your personal past. Regrets, remorse, things we wish we had done differently and wish we could change. Basically have a ‘do over’.
While time moves in one direction and ‘do overs’ are not possible, I found that my Loss of Linda made me think more deeply about my own past. We all have demons. Most of us may have things we’ve done that we would never wish to be revealed. But we have to reveal them to ourselves, root them out and examine them. How else could I come to grips completely with the Loss of a life partner without reflecting on my own life. So instead of continuing the essay I am simply going to offer this poem for you, the reader, to consider:
Dark Corners
Dark corners make for dark spaces
Dark corners collect
Dark thoughts, dark feelings
Misdeeds we are loathe to share
Even with ourselves
Dark secrets we all harbor
Slights to others that shame us
Missteps, regrets that haunt
Surface randomly when least expected
Or wanted
These dark, diaphanous wrongs hang
Like bats
Sleeping, until they aren’t
Then flitting through your mind
Seeping into your soul
Spreading like a stubborn stain
Which will not come out
Will not wash away
Can we ever sweep out the dark corners?
Maybe if we learn to love or at least like ourselves
SO hard to do
To forgive ourselves perhaps
Even harder
