So what’s with the interrobang (yup that’s what it’s called: Qmark followed by an exclamation point)?
Every year the US Men’s Open, golf, concludes on Fathers’ Day. Fitting in many ways. Usually the winner thanks all who have helped him. Especially their dads. Often there are bleary eyed, teary eyed encomiums to their fathers who nurtured them to this pinnacle of success in the golf world.
But for many of us our relationships with our dads is more complex. For me, it was complicated. My dad could be abusive physically and emotionally on an irregular, regular basis. I felt like the dog, which is kicked by its master, then cowers in the corner. A few minutes later the ‘master’ calls the dog over and gives it a rub and pat with that reassuring ‘doggie voice’. It was always difficult to know whether you were loved or not.
Those who experienced a complicated relationship with their dads probably, if they are golfers, listen to the encomiums with a wry smile within.
We must remember that others were less fortunate than we with the ‘complicated’ relationships. They may have been abused mercilessly to the point where their brains were rewired to bypass the prefrontal cortex, the site of decision making, and go straight to reaction. Perhaps this is the case with so many incarcerated males who are so prone to recidivism.
So remember that no matter how bad it was, somebody else has had it worse. More on this when I begin to talk about Loss.
We lost our daughter, Katie, to a birth accident in 1992. Fathers’ Day 1993 was probably one of the most cathartic in my life. So I have an additional reason to be less than emotionally enthusiastic about the Holiday.
Regardless of your experience, guys, with your dad, use this day to reflect on that experience. to try to understand what motivated him and try to forgive some of the hurtfulness.
Finally, welcome back to my zero (0) Fan base. I have been absent from these pages for two years as my wife was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s) in 2021. She succumbed last November. I will be writing more on Loss as well as publishing a few poems and a new short story.
